Wednesday, 14 January 2015

He sees me..

A man I dated didn't see me like I saw me. The first time we met, the first thing he said to me was.. "You are breathtaking."

Breathtaking.

That's not a word I would have ever thought used in conjunction with me. Mountaintop scenery is breathtaking, swimsuit models are breathtaking, but.. me?

He looked at my arms and saw strength and capability. He looked at my feet and saw elegance and beauty. He looked at my tummy and saw the body that nurtured and birthed five children. He looked in my eyes and called me .. breathtaking.

Over the last 9 months, with his consistent praise of my beauty, my vision of myself has changed. The voices of the past have faded, with this one constant voice in my ear. I now look in the mirror and wonder what happened to the woman that I see looking back at me. I still see the flaws, the unsightly bulges and dark spots and yes.. even that very faint beginning of a line.. I still see the scars. It used to be that these marks were the only thing I saw. They obscured everything else.  But now I see more than that. I see how pretty my eyes are, how they shine with every emotion. I see my curves for what they are, generous and overflowing... as reminders of the overflowing blessings in my children. I see how I am put together in a package that is wonderful and beautiful and .. breathtaking.

Not everyone will see me as beautiful. But the thing is.. those who used to pick me apart now actually seem to admire me. I've seen the looks in their faces when they think I'm not looking. They say I've changed, but nothing has really changed physically. It's all in how you see, not how you look.

I am more confident now. I dress with more care, I take care of myself, I do things that make me feel good.

Because he saw me. Not as I saw myself, not as I had been told over and over and over..

He saw me as breathtaking.

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